When you are gaslighting, you can rely on lies, lose your opinion and be manipulated by others. To overcome the negative impacts when you are hurt, let’s find out what gaslighting is.
When you constantly have to listen to lies or violent verbal statements, you will gradually accept and trust these negative things. So find out what gaslighting is and how to overcome the unwanted effects mentioned above.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a way of using wrong and inaccurate information to manipulate others to gain strength and control. Manipulators use words to make victims feel they no longer believe in themselves. Continuous self-doubt will gradually make the victim less confident and more susceptible to the influence of those around them. This is a slow and difficult process to recognize. At first, you may even feel guilty when you suspect your manipulator.
You can observe the phenomenon of gaslighting in the family where the husband keeps drinking alcohol every day. At first, the wife knew that her husband’s drinking was wrong and reminded her husband to limit alcohol. However, the husband kept telling his wife that he needed to drink beer with his partner in order to develop his job and she did not understand anything about the difficulty he encountered when working. So the wife began to believe her husband’s drinking was right and began to feel guilty when he nagged him.
In the company, you may not realize what gaslighting is in communicating with superiors because they use this “invisible binding cord” to make you listen. They can use good reasons like “we need to contribute to the company” or “you need to show your superiority”. Many managers also call themselves an exemplary role when working 24/7 to ask you to answer emails at 1:00 am!
These invisible manipulations will at first make you seem like you need to make the effort to change and adapt to your opponent. It is not until you are cornered or your health deteriorates to realize that you are like a moth.
Gaslighting is a form of mental and emotional abuse. This form of manipulation can promote anxiety, depression in the victim and lead to mental collapse.
In addition, gaslighting can lead to Stockholm syndrome. This is the syndrome that causes the victim to develop feelings for the person who manipulated him. What is frightening is that anyone is at risk of gaslighting. This manipulation procedure may appear in many places, such as in a romantic relationship, in a family or in a company.
How to recognize gaslighting
Gaslighting victims may feel lost in themselves and lead to confusion and fear. So how do you know if you are being prevented from gaslighting? You can refer to some of the following examples to identify someone who is trying to manipulate you.
• They lie blatantly: People who want to manipulate you lie about things very clearly and you know that they are lying. These things are so obvious that you won’t believe that someone can lie about such a problem. So, you start asking questions about everything and become uncertain about the simplest problems.
• They set up untrue things: People who want gaslighting can say a sentence that hurts you and after a while, completely reject this. They may even ask you to give proof they hurt you. You will gradually have doubts about your memory and perception. You start to wonder if the other person can say the right thing and gradually accept what they say.
• They use what you cherish against you: People who want gaslighting will use the things you love most against you. If you like your job, they will say your job has many problems. For those with children, manipulators will give reasons why you should not have children. This will prevent you from believing in the things you appreciate and love the most.
• They make you do not have righteous thoughts: One of the frightening parts of manipulating a victim does not change right away that will turn into another person slowly. The victim will no longer have his thoughts, actions, opinions, but gradually become a man like the manipulator.
• They constantly use manipulative words to you: People who want to gaslighting you will always use clichés to believe them. Sometimes, they will also take violent actions besides manipulating words.
• They have sweet moments with you: Besides hurting words, people who want gaslighting you can also have sweet times. They gently, praise, encourage you to make you think they are not bad people. However, after the sweet words, their ultimate goal is to win your trust and submission.
• They make you feel vague: People crave stability and clarity. People who like manipulation take advantage of this psychology and create ambiguity and confusion around the victim. At this point, the victim will have no choice but to rely on his manipulator to have temporary stability.
• They blame you: Those who want to manipulate will make you feel like a deceiver and deceive even though they are the ones who make the mistake. You will feel that you are always at fault and constantly have to get the wrong part about you.
• They make you think you are not awake: People who want to gaslighting know you are feeling confused and doubt yourself so will use this to make you think you are not alert. This will make people around you and yourself think that the problems you are having are not real. At this point, you will find it harder to find help.
• They think that everyone else lies: The abuser can tell you that everyone is lying and wants to harm you. From there, you will no longer have faith in anyone but only rely on your manipulator. This mentality makes them easier to gaslighting you.
How to deal with gaslighting
Gaslighting causes psychological pain for the victim. If you’ve ever experienced gaslighting, you may need to do the following.
• Confirm gaslighting status: Try to clarify who is trying to manipulate you and how they perform this behavior. Please also take note of the times when I suspected myself to realize the phenomenon of gaslighting.
• Take time to meditate: Meditation will help you keep your own ideas and opinions whenever you doubt yourself.
• Seek help: You can talk to friends or family members you trust. In addition, you can seek help from a therapist or a mental health professional.
When you realize you have gaslighting, you can help yourself by expanding your knowledge and self-awareness.
Once you know what gaslighting is, you will be able to seek help from people you trust to step through confusion and anxiety. Besides, you can also raise your own awareness to build your confidence and overcome the effect of gaslighting psychological manipulation.